Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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