So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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