So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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