i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
