her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
