why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
