i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
