Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize