If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
