There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
