Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
