i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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