i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
