he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
