The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize