i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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