I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
