i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
