just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
