I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
