party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
