He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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