So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
