Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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