just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
