Only a mothe r could love this liver
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
