Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
