there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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