The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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