So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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