you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
