That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
