Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
my poor anus
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
