you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
