there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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