I'm jealous of your bromance
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I queefed so loud it echoed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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