Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
