Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
