i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
