the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
