My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
