You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
