Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
