so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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