I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
