I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
even my farts smell like vagina
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
