so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
