im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
