dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize