it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
