I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize