Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I wear drunk well.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
