it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
