Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
