can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize