thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
