I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
