i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
