if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
