You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
