I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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