If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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